We're facebook friends in real life
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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