whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
