but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
