I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
