We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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