dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
