i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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