Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
