Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize