this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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