if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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