and you said cock pushups were impossible
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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