I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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