sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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