I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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