be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
