But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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