For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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