i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
