Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
