is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
