Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
