did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
