Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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