He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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