She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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