"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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