Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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