bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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