I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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