I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
