My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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