someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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