it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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