is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
