First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
