You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
