It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
