Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
