so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
