Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
