i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
