Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
