the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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