I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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