So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
