she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
