Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
two words...techno handjob
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
