The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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