i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
