i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize