just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert