If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.