just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.