if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.