So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
