Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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