Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
