I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
