I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
