dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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