I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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